Our day will come...

My husband is a Doctor’s best friend. He wasn’t always this way. Back in July 08 coming home from his AIT graduation we ended up taking a small trip to the ER. He was complaining about pain in his groin area. We were told it was nothing to worry about and that once we got to our duty station to have a follow up. 

Took a few months mainly cause of the adjusting to moving from Milwaukee Wi to Tacoma Wa was a bit rough on both of us. We found out in March 09 that he had a double hernia. One being worse than the other. 

May 09 he had his surgery for his hernias  and it was the start of all the headaches. A day after having the surgery he was back in the hospital due to him having a reaction to them scraping his throat with the tube and not having his pain under control. I almost lost him due to the ER not doing what was needed for him. I don’t know how I made it through that without killing someone but I did. 

September 09 there was a fire in the Arms Room where he was working. Where he got chemical burns on his lungs. To this day I still blame the SGT that was in charge of the Droids that were the result of the fire. Mainly for him not following the regulations of storing them issued by Ft Lewis.  For the Fire Department not waiting for the scene to be cleared and allowing the soldiers to go back inside when it wasn’t safe. 

As soon as he deployed he had issues all over again with his hernia. Found out the mesh they used was recalled. March 2011 he had surgery again. It was supposed to be a full replacement of the mesh that was recalled. However it was a patch job without removing scar tissue that was there from the first surgery. A month later he was back to duty. Not allowing the correct healing time to be done. 

As soon as he came home  he had more issues from not allowing to heal the right way. He was in and out of doctor’s offices and the ER from the pain. Found out there was more damage done than we had thought. On top of all the scar tissue that was there, there was issues forming causing him bladder issues. 

So 4 weeks we were due to PCS from Ft lewis surgery #3 for the same issue was done. This time all the scar tissue was removed along with a main nerve and several small ones. This resulting him not having feeling on one side of his groin area. Also having issues with his bladder. 

Shortly after our PCS from Ft Lewis to Ft Knox he was having issues again. Doctor appointment after appointment we found out it was due to from losing his nerves. This was resulting in a low hanging testicle that was pulling on a muscle causing him pain. So yet again in May 12 we had to have another surgery removing his testicle. He will always be in pain from all this.

 His PTSD is something I try to ignore. I know its there but I keep thinking he doesn’t have it.  It has changed a lot in our lives. We don’t go out to eat due to crowds both him. He has a low tolerance for stupid people. Which being near a base you can’t seem to escape them. I will never know everything he seen over there or know how it affects him. I try and take over everything so he doesn’t have those stresses. 

Day to day life sucks. It’s a consent battle. We have our issues as a married couple on top of all of his and mine. It’s a long road and we are now on the right path to getting our lives back. First starting with being rid of the Military life than it is to work on us as a couple before we work on our family life.   

Where it all begins

This is mainly for me to write and keep my thoughts. With how crazy life can seem its what I need. First off a little about me. 

I'm Heidi. Born and raised in Milwaukee WI. I currently live in Radcliff KY with my husband and daughter. I'm a stay at home wife and mom. I love it but sometimes feel like I'm missing out. I'm working on getting certified in Microsoft word, power point and excel. I just took up Knitting. I'm a huge book work. I love books and never seem to have enough. I'm a music junkie. Music is really in my soul. 

My history is a huge part of who I am today. I grew up on the poor side of things. I never went out for long but never got anything special either.  I never had those name brand clothes or was that popular kid in school. I ended up dropping out once I turned 18. I only had one real job working at a Dry Cleaners. Which I only got cause of my mom. 

I was in a bad relationship from the time I was 17 till 21. I let him control my life and who was my friends. I let him take something from me that shouldn't of been. Shortly before I turned 18 i got knocked up and had to make a huge choice. To this day I wish I stood my ground.  

At 21 I met my now husband and its been a rough road. Not saying all its been bad but there are things that happened we could of done with out. We married on April 21, 2008. We rushed to get married before he went back into the Army. Its a chapter in my life i wish i could rip out and never look back on. 

I am a survivor of a deployment. I never wanted to give up so much on everything than I did turning that time. It wasn't all bad but I hated. I ended up breaking down after I had my daughter. A mix of depression and Post Postpartum. I pushed on and knew I had no choice but get better. 

Right now I'm going threw everything with my husband with his PTSD, Medical issues and life. I'll have to explain at a later date. Mainly cause everything still upsets me. 

My child has been a blessing. Being told I couldn't get pregnant and beating those odds sure makes me feel good. However her timing was at the worst time. I found out I was pregnant a few months before my husband was due to deploy. I had a lot of hate at my body at the time. All that time trying and trying to have it happen before he would leave me. She did save me from doing a lot of stupid shit. Takes me looking back now to see how she has helped me. 

As I think of more I will write it down. However this is where I will end this. For now...